horror – Page 36

Review of The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead by Max Brooks

Friday, September 28, 2012 Jesse Willis

SFFaudio Review

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead
By Max Brooks; Read by Marc Cashman
Approx. 8 Hours 38 Minutes [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: Random House Audio
Published: September 12, 2006
ISBN: 9780739342725
Themes: / Zombies / Humor / Horror / Apocalypse /

The next time a Class 2 zombie outbreak occurs in my neighborhood, I’ll be well-prepared to deal with the shambling corpses of hungry undead now that I’ve read Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead.

The Zombie Survival Guide dispels exaggerated myths and legends of the undead and instead presents the reader with unvarnished “truths” about zombies. You’ll find information on zombies’ physical strength, sight, hearing, and rate of decay, and the pros and cons of various weaponry for battling the undead (everything from medieval maces and claymores, to M-16s and flamethrowers). It describes various scenarios for identifying early signs of localized (Class 1) outbreaks, to full-blown widespread undead infestation (Class 3). You’ll find best practices for battling zombies in urban settings, in harsh desert and swamp environments, even under the sea. The Zombie Survival Guide tells you how to defend your home by stocking up with key food and supplies and moving to your second floor and destroying all staircases (recommend for Class 2), or how to survive on the run as you move to the most remote and therefore safest parts of the planet in a world-wide zombie apocalypse in which mankind is overrun (Class 4). The best vehicle should an outbreak occur? You might not guess it, but it’s a bicycle. On a bike you can easily outrun the slow, slouching pace of zombies, it will never run out of gas, you can carry a bicycle over rough terrain, and you can maneuver a bike through the inevitable traffic jams that accompany a full-on panic. Motorcycles are very good too, though their noise attracts the undead. Boats are also a secure means of travel, says Brooks, but watch your anchor line—zombies walking on the ocean floor can use it to climb up to your boat. “Hundreds” of hapless victims have died this way, Brooks tells us.

The Zombie Survival Guide serves as a perfect gateway to Brooks’ highly recommended World War Z |READ OUR REVIEW|. If for nothing else, and you find Brooks’ post-apocalyptic strategems and survival tactics tedious, I’d recommend this book simply for the highly entertaining “Recorded Outbreaks” section. Here Brooks describes various zombie outbreaks throughout history, from ancient tales recorded in chilling primitive artwork, all the way up through living eyewitness accounts from the early 21st century. These are written in the economical journalism style that Brooks’ employs so effectively in World War Z, lending these “outbreaks” a documentary-style feel, which makes them seem more realistic and terrifying. According to Brooks there have been many zombie outbreaks throughout history—perhaps even in my neighborhood, hence my need to be ready—but these have been largely laughed off by skeptical media, ascribed to outbreaks of disease, localized madness, or industrial pollution, or covered up by governments or the CDC, fearful that public knowledge would result in full-scale panic.

For all its earnestness you have to take The Zombie Survival Guide with a heavy dose of salt. While it’s written in a deadpan style and never descends into farce, and purports to be a “real” guide for complete protection against the walking dead, when you read passages like “If you want to know the true danger of an airborne (parachute) attack against zombies, try dropping a square centimeter of meat on a swarming anthill. Chances are, that meat will never touch the ground. In short, air support is just that—support. People who believe it to be a war-winner have no business planning, orchestrating, or participating in any conflict with the living dead,” you can’t help but laugh (I did laugh out loud, several times). While not as well-written or as compelling as World War Z, for zombie aficionados The Zombie Survival Guide is nevertheless a must-read.

Marc Cashman narrates with a dry, clipped voice that perfectly suits the how-to nature of The Zombie Survival Guide. There’s a touch of William Shatner in his delivery, with dramatic pauses in odd places, but that only adds to the fun.

Posted by Brian Murphy

Tales To Terrify: The Hound by H.P. Lovecraft

Wednesday, September 26, 2012Thursday, December 13, 2012 Jesse Willis

SFFaudio Online Audio

One of H.P. Lovecraft’s shorter horror tales – short and ghoulishly sweet as read by the great Lawrence Santoro, host of Tales To Terrify.

Tales To Terrify No. 37 – The Hound
By H.P. Lovecraft; Read by Lawrence Santoro
1 |MP3| – Approx. [UNABRIDGED]
Podcaster: Tales To Terrify
Podcast: September 21, 2012
Two cacodaemoniacal grave-robbers, who delight in collecting gruesome trophies for their black museum, uncover a strange and deadly amulet from a five hundred year old corpse in a Dutch graveyard. First published in Weird Tales, February 1924.

Here’s a |PDF| version.

The Hound - illustration by Menton3 for the IDW adaptation

Posted by Jesse Willis

AudioGo: YouTube trailer for Great Classic Suspense (Five Unabridged Tales)

Thursday, September 13, 2012 Jesse Willis

SFFaudio News

Do you recognize the voice of this narrator?

Perhaps you will if you were, like me, a fan of a particular Canadian TV show (that also aired on CBS in the mid 1990s).

The narrator is Geraint Wyn Davies. He was the star of Forever Knight, a terrific “Crimetime After Primetime” late night drama that promised, and delivered, an odd blend of cop show and vampire mystique.

Hmmmm… now that I think about it, Forever Knight could have been set within the same universe as True Blood (prior to the invention of Tru Blood).

The collection includes five of the greatest stories of American classic horror. The richest of language is used to create extraordinary atmosphere — gloom, darkness, solitude, despair-and the relentless feeling of impending doom.

Table of contents:
The Oval Portrait by Edgar Allan Poe
Ethan Brand by Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Yellow Sign by Robert W. Chambers
The Upper Berth by F. Marion Crawford
An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce

Posted by Jesse Willis

Recent Arrivals: The Cold Beneath by Tonia Brown

Tuesday, August 28, 2012Tuesday, August 28, 2012 Jesse Willis

SFFaudio Recent Arrivals

Written in the narrative form of DeMille’s A Strange Manuscript Found In A Copper Cylinder or Poe’s The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym Of Nantucket Tonia Brown’s The Cold Beneath is a new “steampunk horror” audiobook.

The Cold Beneath
By Tonia Brown; Read by Chris Barnes
Download – Approx. 6 Hours 53 Minutes [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: Dynamic Ram Audio Productions
Published: 2012
In the race to the North Pole, who will become the victor, and who will fall to the ravages of the Cold Beneath? Phillip Syntax is the world’s best biomechanic with a checkered past of betrayal and lost love. When given a chance at redemption by the celebrated soldier Gideon Lightbridge, how can he refuse? This ill-fated expedition turns from daring to disastrous when their airship, the Northern Fancy, crashes in the far and frozen north, leaving the crew stranded without hope. But that isn’t the worst of it. One by one the dead crew members arise from the cold ashes to seek the warmth of the living, and it becomes every man for himself in an effort not to join the ranks of the revenants.

Sample |MP3|

I’ve been listening to the novel, and find it to be punky, flowery and straightforward. The writing itself seems breezy, without pretense or subterfuge. The first few minutes of the audiobook introduces some very steampunkily named characters (“Mr. Syntax” and “Mr. Lightbridge”) – both voiced by the narrator Chris Barnes. Barnes seems to have a natural Scottish accent but as the characters are English and American he creditably voices them as such.

Writing this now, as I approach the first hour mark of the audiobook, I find The Cold Beneath to be a wholly improbable bit of fun, a brummagem amalgam of ahistorical realities, a sepia toned breccia of impossible ideas held in their interstices by a sticky cement of amiable frivolousness.

In other words, The Cold Beneath promises to be nothing more than a distracting steampuk adventure, set aboard an airship, with one of the characters sporting clockwork robotic legs, and, by looking at the cover, perhaps later, some scary frozen zombies.

If you liked the writing energy of Tee Morris’ Billibub Baddings And The Case Of The Singing Sword |READ OUR REVIEW| or the airship adventures of Jay Lake’s Mainspring |READ OUR REVIEW| then Tonia Brown’s The Cold Beneath might be your cup of brown joy.

Posted by Jesse Willis

New Releases: Eloquent Voice: A World Of Talent and Other Stories by Philip K. Dick

Tuesday, August 28, 2012 Jesse Willis

New Releases

Here’s William Coon’s fourth collection of Philip K. Dick short stories and novellas. It’s available via Amazon, Audible, Audiobooks Online, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, BooksOnBoard, Read Without Paper, Waterstone’s.

These stories are Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror.

And three of the five stories have never been audiobooked before!

“A novelist carries with him constantly what most women carry in large purses: much that is useless, a few absolutely essential items, and then, for good measure, a great number of things that fall in between. But the novelist does not transport them physically because his trove of possessions is mental. Now and then he adds a new and entirely useless idea; now and then he reluctantly cleans out the trash – the obviously worthless ideas – and with a few sentimental tears sheds them. Once in a great while, however, he happens by chance onto a thoroughly stunning idea new to him that he hopes will turn out to be new to everyone else. It is this final category that dignifies his existence. But such truly priceless ideas… perhaps during his entire lifetime he may, at best, acquire only a meager few. But that is enough; he has, through them, justified his existence to himself and to his God.”
– Philip K. Dick, 1977

A World of Talent and Other Stories
By Philip K. Dick; Read by William Coon
Audible Download – Approx. 4 Hours 14 Minutes [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: Eloquent Voice, LLC
Published: August 17, 2012
In this collection of five stories, all first published in the 1950s, Dick justified his existence by exploring a number of truly interesting ideas. In “Small Town” a man creates a perfect scale model of his own town, as a means of escaping his unbearable reality. In “Human Is” the wife of a scientist notices that her husband has returned from a scientific expedition a changed man, but she’s not complaining. In “Foster, You’re Dead” a father’s unwillingness to participate in his country’s preparations for a war that never happens, leads to unexpected consequences for his family. In “The Hanging Stranger” a man is unable to convince his fellow townspeople that something terribly wrong is happening to them all. Finally, in “A World of Talent“, society’s reactions against those who have unusual talents have pushed the situation to the brink of interplanetary war.

Sample |MP3|

Posted by Jesse Willis

The SFFaudio Podcast #175 – AUDIOBOOK/READALONG: The Outsider by H.P. Lovecraft

Podcast

The SFFaudio Podcast #175 – The Outsider by H.P. Lovecraft, read by Wayne June. This is a complete and unabridged reading of the short story (19 minutes) followed by a discussion of it. Participants in the discussion include Jesse, Julie Hoverson and Fred Godsmark of Audio Realms.

Talked about on today’s show:
the greatest audiobook narrator of H.P. Lovecraft stories ever (Wayne June), you fall in love with this story in high school, it blew Julie’s mind, Fred read The Outsider early, Algernon Blackwood, horror, re-read or re-listen, Julie’s oblique audio drama adaptation, is the main character female?, we’re all outsiders, filming The Outsider, The View From Within, The Lovecraft Five (includes Richard Pickman and C. Auguste Dupin), born and raised in a tomb, zombie or revenant or disfigured person, he’s a rotty person in need of love, Edgar Allan Poe, how could you film it?, The Sixth Sense, the wonderful ambiguity, The Temple by H.P. Lovecraft, “Castle Arrgh”, The Dark Worlds Of H.P. Lovecraft, Volume 3, The Horror At Red Hook, Herbert West: Re-Animator, The Statement Of Randolph Carter, the comedic musical stage play of Herbert West: Re-Animator, Evil Dead: The Musical, Evil Dead 2, Wayne June is a treasure, Michael Moorcock, Blood Memories, Gene Simmons, The Dunwich Horror and The Call Of Cthulhu, Johnny Winter, Ghoul by Brian Keene, AudioRealms.com, Castaways, The Rising, Darkness On The Edge Of Town, Gathering Of Crows, Roanoke, “CROATOAN”, the incredibly reader Jenny Colvin, long staircases in The Outsider go up and the The Rats In The Walls they go down, a metaphorical reading, The Crawling Chaos, The Evil Clergyman (aka The Wicked Clergyman), engagement with the imagination, T.E.D. Klein, S.T. Joshi, we’re not in the know, 4 track recorder, Fred fell into the audio business, amateur vs. professional, reverb diaper pail, toilet echo, spoken word LPs, Caedmon, David McCallum, growing up vs. growing old, YouTube is incredible, Julie’s adaptation of The Temple, paranormal romance, The Dunwich Horror, Dean Stockwell, Lavinia’s not crazy, fathering the child of an elder god may or may not drive you crazy, “oh no I’ve discovered I’m related to fish-men”, The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society adaptation of The Shadow Over Innsmouth, Robert E. Howard, Lair Of The White Worm by Bram Stoker, The Dark Worlds Of H.P. Lovecraft, Volume 1 is a consistent best seller, The Double Shadow by Clark Ashton Smith, The Empty House, The Whisperer In Darkness, August Derleth, People Of The Dark, The Haunter Of The Ring, DarkRealmsAudio.com, Twitter, an hour per minute of finished audio, recording in your living-room, Dracula, Donald Pickering, Jack London, adding hiss, room tone, put noise in?, The Yellow Wallpaper.